Guided Practice: Being on Your Own Side

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Welcome to a bonus episode of Beyond Survival: Navigating LGBTQI+ Anxiety. I'm Mark.

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This one is different from our Monday episodes. There's no teaching today. No framework, no chain to map. Today is a guided practice. A short self-hypnosis session for self-esteem.

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Or, more honestly, for something sturdier than self-esteem. Being on your own side.

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Most self-esteem advice asks you to believe things you don't believe. To repeat affirmations your nervous system rejects on contact. This practice doesn't do that. It works with words your body can actually hold, and it builds from there. Slowly. Honestly.

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Before we begin, let's discuss a few things that matter.

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Don't listen to this episode while driving, or while doing anything else that needs your attention. Find somewhere you can sit or lie down undisturbed for about ten minutes.

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Your eyes can be closed or open. Resting them softly on one point works just as well. There is no way to fail this.

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And know this. You remain in control throughout. You can open your eyes, shift position, or stop completely at any moment. If turning your attention inward ever starts to feel wrong, simply open your eyes, look around the room, and name a few things you can see. That isn't quitting. That's self-respect in action. And self-respect is exactly what we're practising.

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So find a comfortable, supported position. Sitting or lying down. And feel the surface beneath you, holding your weight. For these few minutes, you don't have to hold yourself up. Something else is doing that.

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Take a breath in. And let the out-breath travel a little further than the in-breath. Again. In. And a long, slow out. Once more. Each out-breath a little longer than the last. Nothing forced. Just allowed.

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And quietly, to yourself, say: for these few moments, I don't need to perform. I don't need to defend. I only need to arrive.

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Now, gently, we'll count down from five to one. With each number, let yourself step a little further from the ordinary noise of the day.

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Five. Feeling the support beneath you. Four. The out-breath still a little longer than the in-breath. Three. The sounds around you fading into the background, where they belong. Two. Halfway now. Nowhere to be. Nothing to prove. One. Arriving. Here. Just here.

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Now, from this quieter place, bring to mind the voice that's hard on you. You know the one. The voice that notices everything and approves of very little. The one that sounds like self-awareness, but runs a constant commentary of criticism.

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And just for a moment, don't argue with it. Don't fight it. Simply notice something about it.

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That voice was assembled. Piece by piece. From messages you received about who you are, long before you had any say in the matter. You learned it in environments that needed you smaller. Quieter. Easier to accept.

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It sounds like truth. But it's inheritance. There's a difference. And you can hear that difference right now, from this distance.

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Now I'm going to offer you three phrases. You don't need all of them. Listen, and let one choose you. The right one is the one your body resists the least.

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The first: this shame was taught to me. It isn't my identity.

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The second: I learned to be hard on myself in places that needed me small. Those places don't get to define me now.

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The third: I can be on my own side. Even here. Even today.

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Take the one that landed. Or shape your own version, in your own words.

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And now, say it slowly, to yourself. Once. Let it land rather than rushing past it. Again. Slower still. Notice what your body does with it. Some resistance is normal. You don't have to believe it completely. You only have to let it be possible. Once more. Let it sit.

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Now bring to mind one ordinary moment where this could be true. Not a perfect scene. A real one. Tomorrow morning, making coffee, and the commentary starts, and you simply don't join in. A conversation where you say one true thing without apologising for it. A mirror you walk past without the usual negotiation.

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Small is good. Small is believable. And believable is what makes this work.

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Hold that small scene gently, like watching it on a screen rather than being inside it. And stay with it for three slow breaths. Let your body register what it feels like. Not joy. Not pride. Just a little less hostility. That's the whole goal. Less hostility. More room.

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Now, one honest check before we return. Ask yourself: do I feel more available to myself right now, or less?

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If the answer is more, stay one breath longer, and say quietly: a little steadier. A little softer. A little more here.

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If the answer is less, that's important information, not failure. Open your eyes now. Look around. Name five things you can see. Press your feet into the floor. Choosing to stop is agency. It counts.

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And now, gently, counting back. One. Two. Beginning to feel the room around you. Three. Movement returning to your fingers and toes. Four. Taking a fuller breath. Five. Eyes open, whenever you're ready.

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Look around. Name three things you can see. Take one more breath, and let your shoulders drop if they want to.

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Well done. That was real work, even if it felt quiet.

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A few things to carry with you.

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Practices like this change things through repetition, not intensity. Once a day for the next week will do far more than one perfect session ever could. You already know the sequence now. And this episode will be here whenever you want to be guided through it again.

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And here's a small way to watch it working. After each practice, write down one word. Just one word for how it felt. Steady. Resistant. Nothing. Soft. It all counts. Over a week, those words will tell you something about how your relationship with yourself is shifting. Quietly. From the inside.

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If this practice was useful to you, here's something worth knowing. The companion course launching this autumn includes a full library of guided practices like this one, each one built on the same method, each one yours to return to whenever you need it. The waitlist is open now at course dot theholistic dot clinic, and the link is in the show notes.

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And if you want the full framework behind everything we do here, the Beyond Survival guidebook is at book dot theholistic dot clinic.

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On Monday we're back to our regular episodes, and we're going somewhere new. Your body, the distance so many of us live at from our own skin, and why the honest first step isn't loving your body. It's something quieter. That's Monday the 19th of October.

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Until then, practise being on your own side. Even a little. Even today.